I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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