saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize