Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
