I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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