Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
