Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
