What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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