Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
