i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
