Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
