Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
