you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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