It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
