DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
