I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
