New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
