i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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