I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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