did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
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They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
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You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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