Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
