I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
