I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
do herpes really smell.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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