And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
