The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
