do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
