You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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