Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
