my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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