I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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