i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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