I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
