im six kinds of drunk right now
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
