I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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