I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
