I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
