Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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