He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
