the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
