brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The best revenge is premature balding
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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