ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wish I only lived at night.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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