He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
