We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
