dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This is the high leading the old right now
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
