Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
