If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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