i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
