So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
