Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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