Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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