if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
