there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
