Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Randomize
