someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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