He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
