u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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