My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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