i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
