i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
